A few days ago a man who happens to live in another country wrote me with the sad news that his sister-is-law is dying of cancer. The doctor says she does not have a long time to live. Although she has received the news with grace and faith and seems to be doing well, he writes in part because he is concerned for her. She has chosen, at least for the moment, not to follow an aggressive program of treatment because the doctor says they cannot cure the cancer. And he is concerned for her husband, his brother, who came back to the faith a few years ago, mostly because of her vibrant Christian witness.

What should he say? How can he help his sister-in-law? That was the burden of his note to me. Here is an edited version of my answer to him.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your note—and thanks for the reading the blog from June 21 about Giving Hope to Those Facing Death. I was sorry to hear about your sister-in-law’s diagnosis of terminal cancer. Based on what you wrote, I think she’s probably doing fine. In fact, everything you said makes me think she is doing better with the news than your brother is.

My guess is that because of her strong faith, she is facing the reality of her own death with faith and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am not surprised that she doesn’t want to take the chemotherapy, probably because of the possible side effects and because she has been told that her cancer is terminal. I think lots of people in her situation would make the same decision. Maybe I would too. I’m not sure. Let’s put it this way. If she knows she is going to die soon, she isn’t required to take unusual measures to stay alive an extra few months. I think all cancer patients who face terminal sickness do a bit of “mental calculus” and decide how they want to respond.

It’s often the case that family members struggle with terminal cancer much more than the person involved. Your sister-in-law is at peace with her future because she knows where she is going. If she decides not to take treatments that might leave her severely weakened, I can’t argue with decision.

As for your brother, he will no doubt grow from this experience as he watches his beloved wife deal with her own death.

A friend of mine has recently learned that he has cancer. It has quite literally come out of nowhere. Until the diagnosis, he seemed to be in excellent health. In his case he is taking chemo and hoping for the best. But if you asked him, “Are you dying?” he would say (I think), “We’re all dying.” That’s a huge truth that we don’t think about as much as we should.

We’re all dying. You, me, your sister-in-law, her husband. Some of us know it and some of us don’t.

I don’t think you will need to do much to help help her other than to be there to encourage her during the various stages of her final journey. I predict she will give you and your brother one final gift by showing you how a Christian dies. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, said, “Our people die well.” Dying well is a Christian grace and a gift from God.

Having said that, I do not think it is wrong to pray for healing. Why not? The Lord is able to heal with or without medical means. But it is also good to remember that our Lord has overcome death—that she will go to be with the Lord, and that where she is going is where all of us who love the Lord will go someday.

Comfort yourself with these thoughts—and stay close to the Lord and to his Word. If you are willing, this coming chapter can be an experience of great spiritual growth for you and your brother—and that will be a source of great joy to your sister-in-law as she looks forward to the day when she meets the Lord face to face.

Blessings,

Ray Pritchard
 

A few days ago a man who happens to live in another country wrote me with the sad news that his sister-is-law is dying of cancer. The doctor says she does not have a long time to live. Although she has received the news with grace and faith and seems to be doing well, he writes in part because he is concerned for her. She has chosen, at least for the moment, not to follow an aggressive program of treatment because the doctor says they cannot cure the cancer. And he is concerned for her husband, his brother, who came back to the faith a few years ago, mostly because of her vibrant Christian witness.

What should he say? How can he help his sister-in-law? That was the burden of his note to me. Here is an edited version of my answer to him.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your note—and thanks for the reading the blog from June 21 about Giving Hope to Those Facing Death. I was sorry to hear about your sister-in-law’s diagnosis of terminal cancer. Based on what you wrote, I think she’s probably doing fine. In fact, everything you said makes me think she is doing better with the news than your brother is.

My guess is that because of her strong faith, she is facing the reality of her own death with faith and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am not surprised that she doesn’t want to take the chemotherapy, probably because of the possible side effects and because she has been told that her cancer is terminal. I think lots of people in her situation would make the same decision. Maybe I would too. I’m not sure. Let’s put it this way. If she knows she is going to die soon, she isn’t required to take unusual measures to stay alive an extra few months. I think all cancer patients who face terminal sickness do a bit of “mental calculus” and decide how they want to respond.

It’s often the case that family members struggle with terminal cancer much more than the person involved. Your sister-in-law is at peace with her future because she knows where she is going. If she decides not to take treatments that might leave her severely weakened, I can’t argue with decision.

As for your brother, he will no doubt grow from this experience as he watches his beloved wife deal with her own death.

A friend of mine has recently learned that he has cancer. It has quite literally come out of nowhere. Until the diagnosis, he seemed to be in excellent health. In his case he is taking chemo and hoping for the best. But if you asked him, “Are you dying?” he would say (I think), “We’re all dying.” That’s a huge truth that we don’t think about as much as we should.

We’re all dying. You, me, your sister-in-law, her husband. Some of us know it and some of us don’t.

I don’t think you will need to do much to help help her other than to be there to encourage her during the various stages of her final journey. I predict she will give you and your brother one final gift by showing you how a Christian dies. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, said, “Our people die well.” Dying well is a Christian grace and a gift from God.

Having said that, I do not think it is wrong to pray for healing. Why not? The Lord is able to heal with or without medical means. But it is also good to remember that our Lord has overcome death—that she will go to be with the Lord, and that where she is going is where all of us who love the Lord will go someday.

Comfort yourself with these thoughts—and stay close to the Lord and to his Word. If you are willing, this coming chapter can be an experience of great spiritual growth for you and your brother—and that will be a source of great joy to your sister-in-law as she looks forward to the day when she meets the Lord face to face.

Blessings,

Ray Pritchard