Elders' Statement Regarding Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

Article 5 of 5 from the Special Documents series

May 1997 -

I. MARRIAGE

We believe that marriage was instituted by God and is a sacred commitment between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:18, Eph. 5:31). The essential nature of marriage is found in Genesis 2:24 which states, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” God’s original and continuing intention for marriage is that it be a permanent lifelong relationship. When the Lord Jesus spoke of marriage in Matthew 19:6, He said, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” God’s will in marriage is one man for one woman, for one lifetime.

A Christian marriage is one where both persons are saved through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The Bible specifically forbids Christians to marry non-Christians. God’s command is “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Cor., 6:14, 1 Cor. 7:39).

II. DIVORCE

While God commanded permanence in marriage, due to sin and the fallenness of human nature the Scriptures permit divorce on two grounds:

A. Divorce For Cause of Immorality: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9). “Marital unfaithfulness” refers to any type of sexual immorality, including fornication, adultery, incest, homosexuality, or other forms of deviant sexual behavior.

B. Divorce For Desertion By An Unbelieving Spouse: Desertion occurs when the unbelieving spouse insists on separation and willfully departs. This irresponsible act breaks the marriage agreement. The unbelieving spouse is one who does not know the Lord Jesus Christ as personal Savior. If professing believers persist in a pattern of willful behavior contrary to biblical teaching and consistently refuse godly counsel, they may come under church discipline and be treated as if they were unbelievers (Matt. 18:15-17). “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (1 Cor. 7:15). For the believing spouse to be “not bound” means that they are free from the marriage agreement.

While these are biblical grounds for divorce, they run contrary to God’s ideal. God’s ultimate desire in cases involving potential divorce among believers is that forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration take place (1 Cor. 7:10-11). Where one of the partners is an unbeliever, God’s will is for that person to be saved and for reconciliation to occur.

When the offending spouse (see A & B above) is a church member or regular attender, he or she shall come under the discipline of the Elders for the purpose of repentance and reconciliation. Should efforts to achieve restoration fail, the offending spouse shall be separated from church membership and/or Christian fellowship. In such cases the innocent spouse is permitted (note: not commanded) to divorce his (or her) partner.

III. REMARRIAGE

A. For Those Believers Who Had Biblical Grounds For Divorce

The Scriptures neither prohibit nor encourage remarriage for persons who had biblical grounds for divorce. Therefore, we believe these individuals are free to remarry in the Lord, understanding that it is a matter of individual conscience before God.

Remarriage, however, should take place only after counsel has been sought through a pastoral staff member and where the individual demonstrates a clear conviction that they are committed to doing God’s will. A minimum of two years should generally transpire between a divorce and subsequent remarriage.

B. For Those Believers Who Did Not Had Biblical Grounds For Divorce

Since God takes sin seriously among his people, we believe that we should do the same. When believers commit adultery and thus break their marriage vows, they bring reproach upon the name of Christ. Unbelievers draw conclusions about what we believe on the basis of how we live (Tit. 2:10). When Christians seek divorce for non-biblical reasons, such as unfulfillment, a longing for “freedom,” or “incompatibility,” they are adopting the low standards of the world (I Jo. 2:14-17). Professing believers who follow a pattern of multiple marriages make a mockery of the lifelong commitment involved in Christian marriage.

Therefore, as a general rule, we will not allow marriages to take place at Calvary where either party (since coming to Christ) has committed adultery, or where divorce was sought for trivial or non-biblical reasons. Any exceptions to this, such as when the previous spouse has died or remarried, must be approved by the Elders.

C. For Those Individuals Whose Divorce Took Place Before Coming to Christ

We believe those who do not know Jesus Christ will instinctively follow the tendencies of their sinful nature (Eph. 2:1-2). However, coming to Christ means receiving a brand-new life from God, which the person never before possessed. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:17). Although true moral guilt is removed by the blood of Christ, believers often face the consequences of sins committed before salvation. Sufficient time must be allowed for spiritual growth and the development of a renewed mind through the power of the Holy Spirit (Rom. 12:2). Also, the viability of marital reconciliation to the former spouse will be examined. These factors must be taken into account when considering a request to be married at Calvary.

IV. GENERAL POLICY FOR THOSE SEEKING MARRIAGE AT CALVARY

A. It is our belief that we should only marry couples who both profess faith in Jesus Christ and show evidence of true conversion.

B. For church usage, we will only marry couples that are members, regular attenders or otherwise affiliated with Calvary Memorial Church.

C. If pastoral staff members have any questions about the proper application of this policy in a given situation, the matter will be referred to the Elders for their guidance.

V. POLICY REGARDING REMARRIAGE

The remarriage of believers at Calvary will generally be approved under the following conditions:

A. Conditions Regarding Previous Marriage and Divorce

1. Candidate was the “innocent party” and sought divorce for reasons of immorality or desertion, since these are the only two biblical grounds for divorce and possible remarriage;

or

2. Candidate’s divorce took place before the person trusted Christ as Savior.

B. Conditions Involving Current Spiritual Growth

1. There has been sufficient time for spiritual and emotional healing since the divorce and evidence of repentance and brokenness over the circumstances that caused the divorce.

2. There must be definite evidence of Christian growth and maturity since the divorce.

3. Consideration has been given to: any use of divorce as a vehicle to seek a different mate; the viability of restoring the original marriage.

VI. CLOSING STATEMENT

As leaders of this congregation we desire to apply the standards of the Bible in a way that is both faithful to God’s Word and compassionate to the many hurting people who come into our fellowship. We desire to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15) and in so doing, show forth Jesus Christ who was “full of grace and truth” (Jo. 1:14). We also believe that following God’s commandments―though at times that may be difficult to do always brings spiritual advancement, deeper joy, and a closer walk with God.

We realize that there may be unique circumstances in particular cases that may need to be reviewed. Any couple seeking marriage at Calvary desiring such a review would find the pastoral staff and elders open to such a request.