Sleeping Together and Christ’s Global Cause

52

I received an email from a man who asked a very particular question.  He is a Christian, divorced, and in his forties. He met a Christian woman who seems to be an answer to prayer. Over time they have fallen in love and hope to get married eventually. But they can’t marry right now because of financial reasons. Meanwhile they have started having sex together. He used the term “being intimate” to describe it. “We have been intimate and are feeling guilty that we DON’T feel convicted by the Holy Spirit that it has been wrong."He goes on to say they waited to have sex until they knew they were in love. Here is his question put another way: “Why do we not feel convicted by the Holy Spirit but do feel convicted by people? People make us feel guilty but at the same time, the Lord has blessed us and used us in some truly amazing ways."He wants to know if there is a different standard for premarital sex for those are divorced. After all, they aren’t virgins anymore. They’ve both been married before so their sex is not “premarital” in the literal sense of never having had sex before. They don’t want to lose the intimacy they have enjoyed.So why would God forbid sex before marriage when you’ve been married in the past, had sex, and have children? And why don’t they feel guilty?The email says (and I do not doubt) that they have struggled with this issue. He says they are not just young adults looking for a free pass to have sex. For the first time they both feel they have found a partner that they love and enjoy in every way.So why shouldn’t two adult Christians who happen to be divorced and have fallen in love—why shouldn’t they sleep together?There are many ways to answer that question. My own answer begins in a way that may surprise you, but I hope you will read through all the way to the end. Your comments are most welcome.

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August 27, 2008, 9:44 AM Melvin says:
	God’s laws are to be obeyed. There is no adjustment to them for our own personal reasons. Tell the world they can not use situation ethics tojustify their actions. Remember we are not to add to or take away from His word which includes His laws.
August 27, 2008, 1:27 PM Ron says:
	Yes, I was surprised by your initial comment... but as I read on and understood your point, I agreed. I think you gave very wise counsel to this individual. In reality, from a Biblical perspective, their sin is no worse than others like homosexuality or stealing. Sin is a violation of God’s law that has been put in place FOR OUR PROTECTION AND GOOD. I especially liked your word, “Get married!” The thought that came to my mind was Matthew 6:33 which fit with the illustration you used about rescuing Jews during WWII. As always Ray, you give wise counsel! Blessings.
August 27, 2008, 2:38 PM Married Woman says:
	I guess I don’t understand how a piece of paper makes you justified in the Lords eyes to have sex. Back before an official ceremony, didn’t people commit to one another and then they were married. Like the common law marriages of today? I knew in my heart that my husband was the person I wanted to marry and spend my life with, we made that commitment to each other way before we had a “ceremony”. You do that the minute you get engaged, so why would it be wrong to be intimate. God knows what is in our hearts.
August 27, 2008, 3:09 PM Wil says:
	You said: "If you are truly in love, then get married and make it legal. Those are basically the rules we all have to follow." But didn’t Jesus say that if you marry someone divorced while their divorced spouse is still alive you commit adultery?
August 27, 2008, 3:35 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Melvin, thanks for your wise words. Actually I think the world will do whatever it wants to do. It’s the people in the church that I worry about. Ray
August 27, 2008, 3:37 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Ron, I intentionally started in a shocking way because I wanted to get his attention. He expected me to say get indignant and say, “Stop that!” so I decided to try something different. Sometimes our biggest job is simply to get someone’s attention. As you note, we all sin in many ways. The first step—the hardest one for all of us—is owning up to what we have done. Thanks for your encouragement. Ray
August 27, 2008, 3:41 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	It’s not a “piece of paper” that makes anything legal or right. But marriage is more than two people in love. There is a personal aspect, a public aspect, a legal aspect, and a community aspect. Marriage isn’t simply between two people. It’s a covenant between them and God, publicly recognized, and (ideally) witnessed and blessed by the community of faith. It’s always better to wait and go through the process that starts in private but ends in some sort of public recognition in the eyes of God and man. How that happens varies from place to place and across the centuries, but those couples are wise who make their commitment public and then come together as husband and wife. Ray
August 27, 2008, 3:44 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Wil, you raise a good point. I have written elsewhere about my views on divorce and remarriage. Ray
August 27, 2008, 4:38 PM Derek says:
KBM Website Administrator	Married Woman, Engagement does not equal marriage - with all due respect, this is an often used rationalization (a very powerful one, too) that has led to many a heartbreak and single parent household. This is a recipe for lifelong regret, shame and disappointment on your wedding day, if your wedding day actually arrives. True love waits until the day of your sacrament before the Lord, your spouse, family and body of Christ.
August 27, 2008, 9:46 PM craftymary says:
	I was living with my boyfriend in 1994 and agreed not to have sex till we were married We married in 1995 and have not had sex since. We both have been deacons in our church. He has become impassioned with the Masonics and have become a fat quilter I work 12 hour shifts mostly at night. He treats me well I listen to the bible on DVD while I sew
August 29, 2008, 11:08 AM jatrimin says:
	I could not have said it any better! You were right on! Thank you for being blunt and honest. Sometimes people don’t get it unless we spell it out, and you did a beautiful job.
August 29, 2008, 11:20 AM jkc210 at ptsi dot net says:
	Pastor Prichard, My comment is “RIGHT ON"!!! I feel you gave good scriptual answers and counsel to this most difficult question that plagues many divorced men and women who are in love and feel God has brought them together and desire to to be married. But the question of sex before marriage has to be dealt with. I appreciate your straight forward, no holds barred counsel to this question. I tell my congregations - “God does not mess around with messing around” when talking about fornication and adultery. Blessings, Jerry K Coldren, Pastor Keyes/Marella United Methodist Churches Keyes, OK
August 29, 2008, 11:26 AM Ms. Kat says:
	Hi my name is Kat! I am also in this person’s perdictament, divorce vs dvorce vs new found love amoungst 2, but beleive me my God will always come 1st in both of our lives, and that sex thing can wait, you have to be stronger than the average christan when you are caught up like this, because the enemy only come to kill, steal and destroy, are you going to kill what you could be blessed with before you get it ,are you going to let the enemy steal your chance of a good thing for wanting the wrong thing, or destroy a life time of happiness to end up with nothing! Matt:6:33 stand strong on, keep by heart at all times. God Bless!
August 29, 2008, 11:44 AM John Ruffle says:
Teaching, lecturing and post grad pastoral theology student in London. Leads on-line prayer mission community - now on FaceBook. Graduate/survivor of 1970s Californian Jesus Movement.	Why would any couple wait? That has constantly baffled me. Of course I’m speaking of waiting for money, not sex. Sexual union is for (heterosexual) marriage, end of story. What money might they need to live as man and wife that they don’t already have living singly? (Unless they are both rough-sleepers. But we even have 2 rough sleepers in our community who are man and wife.) If it is money for a wedding “ceremony” they need.. then forget it, get married simply - publically witnessed by friends and yes, the church - receive prayers - then start this new life together. It’s our modern lavish western lifestyles that maybe the Holy Spirit is wanting to convict most of us of. Ray says: “It’s always better to wait and go through the process that starts in private but ends in some sort of public recognition in the eyes of God and man. How that happens varies from place to place and across the centuries..." Yes, I agree. If you really love each other, GET MARRIED. (But am not getting drawn on the divorce/re-marriage question!)
August 29, 2008, 12:26 PM glynnmccormick at yahoo dot com says:
Retired from secular vocation, transformed in the service of the Lord: more time to serve!	Brother Ray: Thank you for this article. I found it very refreshing to hear a straight-from-the-hip response. There needs to be more of this type response to moral issues. Too often we’re afraid we’re going to hurt someone’s feelings, while at the same time we grieve the Holy Spirit by not being completely honest. (Actually, there’s no such thing as being completely or incompletely honest. We either ARE or we ‘re NOT.) I believe your response was right on target. Thanks again for printing this article.
August 29, 2008, 2:10 PM denise95368 says:
	i thought your article was AWESOME.... you hit it right on the nail.....
August 29, 2008, 4:19 PM Cowgirl says:
	Pastor Ray, I think your answer was out standing. I truely agree with you, and you couldn’t have put it any better. I thank God for the wisdon he has given you. God bless you.
August 29, 2008, 6:53 PM ladyword says:
	This is a prevailing sin in the Body of Christ today. The fact the man is writing to you shows that there is some guilt feelings. I pray your answer will help him. Also, this has been a pain in my heart and have had to leave my church because of the blatant acceptance of it and worse still, acknowledging of leadership who are practising such. I will pray for this couple, they just need good teaching and you are doing that.
August 29, 2008, 8:16 PM A_Lite_Touch says:
TEENAGE CHRISTIAN @ 50+	Excuses, Excuses, Excuses. Pastor Pritchard Thank you for a thoughtful,well written and Sensitive answer. If Money is a reason not to get married ,I don’t get it...How is rationalizing Adultry a reason to get married. Perhaps being Divorced cancels it out. (ie Divorce is not sanctioned neither is Sexual relations out of wedlock so we are ok because we were not ok to begin with?)
August 29, 2008, 10:10 PM sleeping together and christ&r says:
	The article was superb and the answer was just right and i liked the idea of yours and it was helpfull for me to deal with these kind of peope espescially my friends who are more or less in the same way. Regards, Daniel
August 29, 2008, 11:12 PM Ladydoll says:
	The one comment I would make is that if their friends are making them feel guilty then they may also be a stumbling block to others in their community. The example I would give is of a couple in my own church, I don’t know if they have intimate relations or not since I am not priviy to their bedroom (s). However, I do feel it sets a poor example for the younger people of the church who are influenced by the world and may well think that these two are having sex. It can also affect the life of the church as a whole since the appearance of acceptance brings into question the dedication/spirituality of the church.
August 30, 2008, 5:16 AM G4dlord says:
	Hey Pastor Ray.... Great answer....Precisely to the point, that thinking about what Christ did for us and the responsibility that lays before us.....personal desires and likes are way apart from us...."I have crucified my passions and desires..." But, something that I don’t agree that if the two are divorced, marrying each other will still be considered ADULTERY, won’t it, according to what our Lord Himself said? I wonder why...as Bible believing Christians we are unwilling to completely submit ot the full truth and the Church and the pastors usually commend or acknowlege the marriage of two divorced people while their spouses are still living?
August 30, 2008, 9:57 AM scorpiofj125 at aol dot com says:
	Hello Im in the same situation as the fellow who emailed and asked the question, the only diffrence is IM a widower. And I think Mr Pritchard hit the nail right dead smack on the head, Iagree 110% I just want to say thankyou to the fellow who aked the question and also thank Mr pritchard Thankyou scorpiofj125@aol.com
September 1, 2008, 3:04 AM kat24k says:
	i totally agree with you on this subject. i also think what the real question should be is were is the desire of sleeping with each other coming from, is it a desire to please the flesh and what circumstances lead to both of there divorces. i think that the world has a mixed up idea of what the union of a man and a woman should be. and if we are not careful we can start to adopt the same views wich is just another tool that satan uses to trip us up. the question that needs to be asked is. is this desire going to help bring each other closer to god or may it bring about a whole bunch of other problems that may take us farther away. as christians we need to realize that this life isnt about fulfilling our own desires it is about fulfilling the desires of our god. god has to always be at the forfront of all the decisions we make. and i know we are not perfect but what is our focus is it toward god or is toward our selves.
September 1, 2008, 12:12 PM Eagle 1 says:
Navy Pilot	Yes I ws reading your answer to the question about should two christians sleep together if thy were married before . In some ways I agree with your answer and in some ways I don’t. To say that no one will know is to me saying that what we do weather riht or wrong won’t be seen by GOD. We need to tell other Christians that what we may not see GOD will see it and bring it to light .That is way his fellow believers were saying something about it to make them aware of the fact that GOD is not please. Also the statement that we sin because we are bored works will with David at one side but the other is that he had the choice to turn away he was not forced to sin he did not flee when tempation was present and alot of times sin is before us but we have a chioce weather to do or not and instead of knowing when to turn away we go along with our selfish desires. We often don’t realize what a hold sin has on us until it is done and is brought into GOD ‘s light . GOD made man and women to bring him glory and the mariage bed should not be stained with the lust of our on desires. Our fleshly desires will always need to be put before GOD in prayer. WE need to tell GOD how we feel and what we are thinking if we submitt ourselves to the Holy Spirit we will not fullfill the lust of the flesh I know that sometimes it is hard to do when the preson you are with is the one you love and want to marry, but that is when we need to go toGOD in our weakness and he will make us strong. GOD loves them to ,but he wants us to be honest about our feeling with him as we want our partner to be honset with us. Sleeping together is the worlds way of saying that this is my body I can do what I want with it, But GOD says all souls are mine, choose you this day in whom you are going to serve. I don’t have the bible in front of me , but you know the verses. I know that we need to be for real when it comes to are walk with GOD and our place in the world that is way we need to read his word everyday; praye that we do not sin against GOD and be aware when temptation is present and know that we can be portected if we dress in GOD ‘s armor LOVE is so much more BEUATIFUL when it brings glory to our LORD.
September 1, 2008, 12:18 PM hoffmanhaus1 says:
	Mr Pritchard : you are right on in your response to the man to wants to commit fornication. As you pointed out sin is sin and it separates you from God and Jesus.
September 2, 2008, 12:21 AM jubilatte says:
	I never understand why people overlook or accept all the excuses people come up with to explain why they aren’t getting married. There are obstacle when you look for obstacles, and they are none when your focus is on making it possible. If this couple in question, for example, were focused on committing their lives to one another, they would take measures to move in that direction. Sex wouldn’t even come into question, because it would take care of itself. So it looks to me that people in this situation are fond of DREAMING of being married, and SAY they want to get married, but in action, aren’t really all that interested. And saying that they want to get married is just a means for justifying sex. It’s selfishness at its core, and that’s what makes it wrong. If you’re having sex outside of marriage, then you’re looking out for yourself and not for the other person, maybe even at the other’s expense, and that’s what makes it wrong.
September 2, 2008, 10:56 AM Deborah says:
	This was great even if you are a married person. We all struggle with sin. Thank you for addressing this issue. Thank you for addressing the issue of sin in our lives.
September 2, 2008, 2:51 PM Surgeon says:
	Dr. Pritchard: Oh, boy, did your words resonate with me...my now-husband of 10 years and I lived together before we got married. We were both committed Christians (or so we thought) at the time, but we realized AFTER we got married how caught up we were in our own desires. We THOUGHT we didn’t feel convicted by the Holy Spirit, that “our love” was different, and not subject to God’s perfect plan for our lives. Truth is, we were convicted, and just chose to ignore it. God’s rules concerning sex and marriage are so much for our protection, and they enable us to concentrate on “seeking His kingdom first”. We are more in love today than we were 10 years ago, but God has disciplined us both for our disregard and disobedience to Him with respect to this. God’s word is the standard of absolute truth against which we are called to measure everything. His word never changes. Thank you for this word.
September 2, 2008, 6:20 PM avm says:
	What an insightful, articulate, caring response. All that can be added is “Amen"!
September 2, 2008, 8:00 PM another married woman says:
	“We sin because we are bored and can’t hink of anything better to do.” When I first read this, I was shocked, but as I thought about it, I saw that you were right. The Bible verse that came to mind was Phillipians 4:8 that tells us to keep our minds on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is is of good repute”. That which occupies our minds rules our behavior. It is a matter of putting first things first, as in “seek ye FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness” . With our minds on this, there is no end the number of sinful behaviors we could avoid! The other insight you had was that this guy was talking about his sex life to his friends as though it was a spectator sport. I have some very close friends, with none of whom I discuss my sex life, because , quite frankly, that is something I share with my husband, and with him alone. I have nothing to be ashamed of, as we are married, and I do not feel the need to discuss our “intimacies” with the others. I wonder if his need to bring up his sexual situation to others is in fact symptomatic of the fact that he DOES feel Holy Spirit-inspired guilt.
September 3, 2008, 1:03 AM kansawomangone says:
	I felt that you repeated yourself too much. To get your point across. You could have kept it short and still say the same thing. But there was some good advice in there. I noticed most articles are focused between the teenagers and the upper 40s age group. I never see any articles for the 55 to 100 age group. Gee don’t we exist out there, lol. Thank You!
September 3, 2008, 10:47 AM Angela says:
Christian homemaker and wife of active duty Army Captain	I was blown away by the answer to this question. MANY Christians face this same situation. This is the first time I’ve seen this direct an answer in black and white. It is right on...I wish I had had counseling such as this when I was a divorced adult. Please keep the Godly advice coming!
September 3, 2008, 10:52 AM Falon says:
	As a Christian and a virgin, I am very passionate about encouraging others to preserve themselves for the one person that God personally created and designed for them. This it the most moving article I have read on the topic. Keep up the good work. I am posting some of your quotes on my facebook and I’m passing on the article. Thank you so much!!!
September 3, 2008, 10:55 AM Paula Jones (comment) says:
	First of all God word is our manual for us to live by. In Romans12:1 We need to offer our bodies to God as a living scracifice holy and acceptable unto god and it should be our reasonable service. God word is very clear about sex. Sex was created for married people. We are not of this world so we don"t go around doing as the world does. This couple need to read 1Corinthians 7:25-38. It is saying unmarried women and women who have never been married worry only about pleasing the Lord and they keep their bodies and minds pure. But a married woman worries about the things of this world, because she want to please her husband. If you are engaged to someone and you want that person bad then go ahead and get married. There is nothing wrong with that. But it is better to have self control. I would rather marry then to burn in hell because I want to have sex, knowing that’s not God’s will for my life. We must get understanding of God’s word. We must attend bible study and sunday school to learn of God’s word. Also we must study the word of God for our selves. Sex is good but all things must be done decent and in order. If you are still confuse talk to your Pastor. The Holy Spirit will convict you every time you do things that go against God’s word. Matter of fact you know right from wrong. You know if you are saying and doing things you should not do.
September 3, 2008, 12:53 PM ionhvn says:
	I, too, dealt with this issue. Sex outside of marriage, I learned by His Spirit, is just a lie told by the Devil to you to your particular circumstances to cause you to only see one person. So much gets put by the wayside(families). But being obedient to the Lord’s commands isn’t what our desires of the flesh want to look at. We are both believers, yet had a very passionate affair we allowed to break up each other’s homes. When he struggled over his vow before God he took when he married, because divorce would break that vow, I felt the conviction I’d never felt before about what obedience means, what loving Jesus means. I realized I hadn’t cared to please Him when it came to my own desires and He had died for me and loved me, going through it all for me. Needless to say, it became clear then that I really did want to serve Him. The best I could do was to be abstinent until married. There were slips that I caved in to that Satans lied to my heart(he’ll be my husband anyway...), but was convinced more so afterward of how Satan did dupe me and I could really see it and I hated it. Temptation is always there and so we learned to avoid it by staying busy and avoiding intimate touch, to the point of barely a kiss goodnight when parting( this was nessary for us). That was done for a year and a half, until we married. It did change me and I wonder if remarriage was truly right for me, but it changed me in that I became able to control my sexual desires and still love deeply in other ways. Unfortunatley, the old passion dissapeared. I don’t chase my husband like I did back when, he doesn’t respond easily now(yes, age doesn’t help), We are devoted, but we do miss the passion we had. We have family issues that keep us non-sexual most of the time, but I will tell anybody that the blessings and joy in trying to serve and being obedient to Jesus is worth it. We have been given blessings of patience and there is still a loving desire to please each other to the best of our ability and situation allowing. I tell anybody that extra-marital sex leds to health, mind and spirit issues that don’t feel good to have. So many women have female infections, STD’s, depression, isolation, disconnection from family issues due to selfish focuses and, of course, guilt. Men have depression and health issue too, plus the fact that they don’t see the pressure they put on their woman to have sex is hurting her,( hence another way God protects us when we obey) because sex to her is different than sex to most men. These are part of His disciplines to guide us back to Him. My spiritual life has never been growing more since that day I saw Satan’s lies in my life. God continues to hear my prayers and gives me blessings in my body, mind and spirit. I have the hope of His love and forgiveness, because I see it, I want it and I humbley pray for it to continue to teach me.. I suffer consequences for my past, as it should be, but now I see it for what it is and have more opportunity to pray more to our Father for His help in getting through. I have the saddness of knowing my actions have probably caused sin to abound in my family’s lives, but I pray for what He is to me now to show them His light and love and glory. He never dissapoints!! Sorry so long.
September 3, 2008, 4:26 PM jenlerch1978 says:
	I believe that as Christians, we are called to hold ourselves to a higher standard. It’s unfortunate but true—there are many non-believers out there who love to call Christians hypocrites, and we prove them right by “do what I say, not what I do” behavior. The world is watching us, and maybe an unbelieving friend is watching you, and wants to be brought to the Lord, and seeing you being strong while in love and not giving in to temptation would be the catalyst he needs to finally come to the Lord....who knows? We don’t!! Also—it’s not expensive to get married. My husband and I were married under a $1500.00 budget. That included my dress, the rings—they were very simple, it’s true—, a reception at a lovely local restaurant for about 60 people—it included food, but no alcohol—and a day and overnight trip to Baltimore. If you can’t afford even that, go to your pastor and get married with a few select friends and family, then have a big celebration for your five year anniversary, when you have some more money under your belt. My husband just finally, after 7 years of marriage, bought me the ring set of my dreams, but I was very proud to wear my more plain rings for 7 years, too!!
September 4, 2008, 12:53 PM Saved777 says:
Saved, Holy Ghost filled Christian Minister, living a surrendered life to the Lord.	This is a much needed article. The very fact that the gentleman wrote to you, he is being “convicted", in his spirit. He knows in his heart that this is against God’s Word. There is no way a person can justify sin!!! I was in a situation similar to his, but after awhile, I had to get out of it. I was living a lie, and even though my friends did not know, God knew and he sees all!! My advice is to marry the lady, or get out of the relationship! How can either one of them have a prayer life, and be “openly” sinning? I question their true relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Once you have read the Word, you are held accountable. But, I thank you for your wise counsel, it was firm, but honest.you did not cut corners!
September 6, 2008, 1:40 PM pjw24 says:
	Thank you
September 8, 2008, 11:43 AM ritzysmom says:
	I don’t get the thing with “money” being the issue unless one of them is in the process of a divorce settlement for alimony which would stop if they married. But if they truly believe in God and His will and His provision, that should not stop them. The Lord will provide all they need. My father-in-law divorced his 3rd wife and took back up with his first wife after her husband died in a trucking accident. Supposedly if she married before the trucking company’s insurance settled the case of his accident and payout, she wouldn’t receive the money, so they did not legally marry for almost 2 years. But they did go before their church and have their pastor perform a ceremony and bless their union. I don’t know if that would be valid for some people. I was kind of iffy on their whole situation and that goes way beyond the topic of this article, but it is a thought.
September 8, 2008, 12:32 PM MimiSeven says:
	What struck me in the inquiry was the reason they cannot marry now is FINANCIAL. There in may the be source of the problem. Trust God to provide for all things and he undoubtedly will. If we must sin to sustain our selves financially, the answer is clear. Marry this God-give soulmate and trust in the Lord with all your hear. He ill make your path straight! Proverbs 3, 5&6. Be happy, not guilty, even if it means less financially.
September 8, 2008, 12:39 PM mrspirit68 says:
	WOW! Your response is definitely to the point and correct. I am sooo glad I happened to see this article, not only for myself, but for my three teenage daughters. I have been divorced for 4 years now and its been a very tough road. But dealing with teenage girls and lots of hormones, its alot tougher. This article is definitely a tool to help them search deeper within as to where their intimate relationship with Christ really stands. You beautifully pointed out how it all boils down to the condition of our hearts toward God. That is definitely the key to how we live and every decision we make. Thank you Pastor Ray for telling it like it is, no holding back. It’s what the Children of God truly need to hear. THE TRUTH!
September 8, 2008, 12:46 PM freireclan7 at aol dot com says:
	I’m one who suffers when my emotions or my flesh gets an idea and in 10 seconds flat I’m 50 miles away from my Savior so I harbor no self righteousness. In speaking with a lot of people and observing, I notice that if you put the cart before the horse (sex before marriage) then the marital commitment is weakened or completely absent. If they have problems in their relationship before they hit the alter then what’s to stop them from breaking apart that one bonded flesh they formed? It’s a risky game of flesh appeasement. You can’t serve two masters (in this case, God and flesh). I’m not assuming I would be able to walk upright given the same situation but I do know it would weaken my relationship with Jesus and would cause me to stray off that solid path. My paultry advice..go to the courthouse and git hitched. Pawn something in your house for the cash if you have to. Biblical principles are for our benefit, when you go counter-Bible something detrimental usually occurs (I’m speaking from experience here). With love in Christ
September 8, 2008, 12:57 PM faithlady says:
	I am a single Christian. A long time ago I was engaged to a Christian Man and we entered into a sexual relationship ... because we were engaged... I regret that period. I didn’t feel convicted at first, I felt justified because we were engaged... But God’s Word demands Holiness, without which no man can see... GOD I believe fornication has not been spiritually redefined by the Holy Spirit.. I came under conviction of the Holy Ghost.. not people I am still unmarried and have a wonderful Man of God in my life... No Sex The Bible says to FLEE fornication and not to give the Devil any Place (opportunity). Therefore we are very selective in our time together. It is mostly on the telephone or at Church..... When we visit with each other we decide ahead of time what WE ARE GOING TO DO AND SET A TIME ;LIMIIT to our visit... This works..... Unfortunately you have started having sexual relationships with a person that you LOVE AND IT WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT BUT NOT IMMPOSSIBLE TO restrain yourselves. Fornication is still not God’s plan... If you truly are in Love. “ and cannot contain yourselves,,, get married???? marriage is honorable in the sight of God. The Bed is undefiled...
September 8, 2008, 8:52 PM hapedaze says:
	Bouquets to you in explaining the reason couples shouldn’t sleep together before marriage. That was the best explaination I have ever seen :)) I wanted to add a few more reasons, for not being sexual before marriage - Biblically it says that you are entering into a covenant marriage. I beleive that before even the engagement, during the courship, this is the time to be laying foundations within the relationship. If a couple is going to compromise by sleeping together before marriage, then what other things will be compromised. Sex within the marriage is like a gift, but if you’ve had it outside, then the gift is old and there’s no anticipation. ;) In the Bible it also speaks about ‘the two shall become one’. This to me means EVERYTHING becomes one, soul, heart, emotions, spirit it all becomes one. What if after the ‘euphoria’ of being ‘in love’ wears off, and then you decide that you aren’t suited for long term to be with each other, then the break up is FAR MORE painful, than if you haven’t slept with the other person. I believe at that point that you’re not just parting ways, but a piece of you is ‘literally’ being taken away also because your heart has been given to someone else.
September 11, 2008, 11:39 AM Eagle 1 says:
Navy Pilot	I am a divorced, financially independent, Christian woman who is supporting, for the rest of my life, an abusive, nonworking ex-husband. In part, I didn’t divorce him earlier in the marriage because godly people in the church, my pastor, etc. kept telling me that I didn’t have biblical grounds when in fact, they were fallible and didn’t have an understanding of the nature of the sin involved. I am in a loving relationship with a godly man. We plan on being together the rest of our lives. He has made some financially poor decisions and therefore I doubt that we will ever be able to get married. To make a blanket statement that Christians should never sleep together is judgemental. You are not God to know their hearts and their situation. In fact, that is precisely the sort of judgement that keeps people in abusive situations.
September 24, 2008, 2:34 AM Vincent from Singapore says:
	Comments: In our flesh dwells no good. Do not trust in your own strength but in God who is able. Please do not bring another on a guilt trip. A greater cause in life does not necessary takes your desire away from sex. Like you said God made sex to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage. That couple must choose to do the right thing. Yes human knows but God knows and He cares.
September 29, 2008, 12:48 PM Edenbrookwillow says:
	Your answer concerning sexual relationships after divorce was critically needed by many. I am a divorced mother who is determined to walk righteously. The current culture does not make it easy, believe me. Tell your doctor you’re in a relationship, and he/she assumes you’re “intimate” with that person. What happened to the old-fashioned concept of chaste dating and friendship? It takes courage to stand up for the truth. It also hurts yhe cause of Christ when those who call themselves believers rationalize sexual sin and look askance at those who obey the commandment to avoid it! The words of the Apostle Paul are as relevant today as they were in the first century: “And be ye not conformed unto this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your minds.” Please continue to encourage believers never to give up because no act of obedience to God is ever without reward.
October 13, 2008, 4:04 PM Judith says:
	I have been seperated from my husband for over 5 years now,with no chance of a reconciliation. I am very relauctant to even consider dating although I do not like the life of being single. I feel lonely even though I have alot of caring and loving friends. LIke a story I once heard of a young boy who was frightened by a thunderstorm and had gone to his Father for comfort. The Father had responded well and told his son not to worry that God would take care of him. The boy responded, "Yes. I know God is here with us, but right now I need someone with skin on." (No pun intended)
October 13, 2008, 7:59 PM mikekellyiniowa says:
	Hey Ray, Good answer and I agree fully. Let’s switch gears and take another road. Outside of the fornication issue I think they are doing what many Christians do today. They are putting money ahead of holiness, God’s will, happiness, freedom vs. guilt and you name it. Where in Scripture do we ever see God’s plan to have money come before any of these? It doesn’t matter whether it is money you have or money you need. Thall shalt have no other God’s before me. My 2 cents.
March 5, 2009, 2:07 PM alamobpo says:
	I tend to think that if you have impressionable young children, ie kids who look to you to set their moral example, you should not have premarital sex. So my answer is Christian premarital sex is wrong because God forbids it. It leaves you open to all sorts of un-fair probing and in general might make others downplay the authenticity of your testimony. A divorce is traumatic enough for children sense it robs them of what they might have believed to be a stable sheltering and nurturing sanctuary. When Mom and Dad move apart the floor might just as well fall out from beneath kids. We’ve all seen kids react negatively to divorces. Even worse is seeing mom or dad having sex out of wedlock. I wouldnt want to be the parent trying to tell my son or daughter years from now that sex out of wedlock is wrong when they’ve witnessed me pursue intimacy outside marriage even though I’m divorced and no longer a virgin.
March 7, 2009, 6:29 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Brad, thank you for sharing. You said in short form what I said in the longer article. God bless you always. Ray