The Final Gift

Topics: Devotional

A few days ago a man who happens to live in another country wrote me with the sad news that his sister-is-law is dying of cancer. The doctor says she does not have a long time to live. Although she has received the news with grace and faith and seems to be doing well, he writes in part because he is concerned for her. She has chosen, at least for the moment, not to follow an aggressive program of treatment because the doctor says they cannot cure the cancer. And he is concerned for her husband, his brother, who came back to the faith a few years ago, mostly because of her vibrant Christian witness.

What should he say? How can he help his sister-in-law? That was the burden of his note to me. Here is an edited version of my answer to him.

Dear Friend,

Thanks for your note—and thanks for the reading the blog from June 21 about Giving Hope to Those Facing Death. I was sorry to hear about your sister-in-law’s diagnosis of terminal cancer. Based on what you wrote, I think she’s probably doing fine. In fact, everything you said makes me think she is doing better with the news than your brother is.

My guess is that because of her strong faith, she is facing the reality of her own death with faith and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am not surprised that she doesn’t want to take the chemotherapy, probably because of the possible side effects and because she has been told that her cancer is terminal. I think lots of people in her situation would make the same decision. Maybe I would too. I’m not sure. Let’s put it this way. If she knows she is going to die soon, she isn’t required to take unusual measures to stay alive an extra few months. I think all cancer patients who face terminal sickness do a bit of “mental calculus” and decide how they want to respond.

It’s often the case that family members struggle with terminal cancer much more than the person involved. Your sister-in-law is at peace with her future because she knows where she is going. If she decides not to take treatments that might leave her severely weakened, I can’t argue with decision.

As for your brother, he will no doubt grow from this experience as he watches his beloved wife deal with her own death.

A friend of mine has recently learned that he has cancer. It has quite literally come out of nowhere. Until the diagnosis, he seemed to be in excellent health. In his case he is taking chemo and hoping for the best. But if you asked him, “Are you dying?” he would say (I think), “We’re all dying.” That’s a huge truth that we don’t think about as much as we should.

We’re all dying. You, me, your sister-in-law, her husband. Some of us know it and some of us don’t.

I don’t think you will need to do much to help help her other than to be there to encourage her during the various stages of her final journey. I predict she will give you and your brother one final gift by showing you how a Christian dies. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, said, “Our people die well.” Dying well is a Christian grace and a gift from God.

Having said that, I do not think it is wrong to pray for healing. Why not? The Lord is able to heal with or without medical means. But it is also good to remember that our Lord has overcome death—that she will go to be with the Lord, and that where she is going is where all of us who love the Lord will go someday.

Comfort yourself with these thoughts—and stay close to the Lord and to his Word. If you are willing, this coming chapter can be an experience of great spiritual growth for you and your brother—and that will be a source of great joy to your sister-in-law as she looks forward to the day when she meets the Lord face to face.

Blessings,

Ray Pritchard
 

Visitor Comments:

October 22, 2008, 8:09 AM elizabeth.honard at yahoo dot com says:
	My Mother died 12 years ago of lung cancer. I feel that she knew she was really sick, but did not want to believe it, so it would not be true. She got real sick and 3 weeks later she was dead. Recently I had a cat scan that came back that there was a small spot on my lung. I still have to follow up, but scheduling has been painstaking, who takes my insurance, etc. I do not think that I am afraid of dying, my fear is who will be there for my children here on earth. I have raised them all by myself 25,17,10 collectively 52 years. I am driving myself crazy with worrying and probably them too. Can you tell me where in the Bible that it will comfort me to leave my children? Betsy
October 22, 2008, 9:14 AM FWB Friend in Illinois says:
	Ray, I think your answer to the man is a gem. As a pastor and hospice chaplain, this is something we often must deal with. It is hard to come to grips with our own mortality, sometimes harder with the death of our loved ones, but you spoke the truth. We are all terminal. Thanks for your wisdom both in this situation, and in many others. I am among the “quiet multitude” that appreciate your ministry.
October 22, 2008, 7:36 PM Marni says:
A Christian senior granny(4 grandchildren)and hubby rooted and grounded in the WORD,living by faith and knowing that Jesus is my CHAMPION.	As human naturewe will always be concerned for our dying loved ones. I believe Dr. Pritchard nailed it right on the head in his answer. My sister a Christian passed away a few months ago with cancer after fighting many years. I was encouraged the last time I visited her by her visual words of encouragement placed all around her house. It blessed me. She had hope that the world could not offer. Yes we all grieved but with the hope of God sustaining our soul and faith. It was hard yet glad to know that she had graduated to glory where I will see all my loved ones again.
October 25, 2008, 4:15 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Elizabeth, i am so sorry to hear about the small spot on your lung. I will pray that it will turn out to be nothing. But in any case I understand why your greatest fear is not dying but leaving your children in whom you have invested so much. The one Scripture that comes to mind Hebrews 13:5 where the Lord says, “Never will I leave you, never will I abandon you.” That promise is as much for your children as it is for you. You can know with certainty that whenever you die—and I hope and pray that it will not be for many years—that the Lord who loves you and has been with you loves your children and will walk with them through after you are gone. In the end our hope is not in our own ability to stay alive because we all die sooner or later. Our hope must be in One who has conquered death—the Lord Jesus Christ. We are here for a while and then we are gone. But the Lord who walks with us will take care of our children after we are gone. And it is good to say that to them and to repeat it often so that they will remember it. We serve a trans-generational God. Psalm 100:5 says his mercies endure to every generation. We come and go, but God’s mercy and faithfulness continue from one generation to another. Blessings to you always, Ray Pritchard
October 29, 2008, 4:57 PM Believer of Christ says:
	Hi,I have MS. I was diagnosed in 2005. First it hit me like a ton on bricks,than I told myself I am dying, I was by myself when I got the news from the Dr. I started feeling sorry for myself.I have always believed in God,but when I was diagnosed, I realized might have believed in Our Lord, but I was not living for Christ. I had not given my life to Christ!I sat down the night and prayed like I had never prayed before. I prayed the sinners prayer, I sought Christ’s face,I gave Him the good,bad,and the ugly, all. That night Christ came into my home,I felt the Love around me,the warmth,A love I have always wanted in my life ,but never found till Now! I am no longer scared to die, I am a Warrior for Our Lord Christ.I spread His word,spread His message.and tell God’s people the love He has for each one of us. For those families who are scared for their Love ones, Please I pray they give their life to Christ,before it’s to late. For once you give yourself to Christ Completely,1000%. No matter what happens Christ Will take His children home,no more pain ,no more struggle. Christ has and always will have His Beautiful arms wrapped around Me and You Always. This is the promise God Our Saviour has Promised us. It’s not how long you live,it is how you live, living your life for Christ,not for yourself!
October 30, 2008, 6:56 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Thanks for sharing that beautiful testimony. You have lived and are living the truth of the “The Final Gift.” I love your last line.
October 30, 2008, 9:00 PM firestastyle at caribsurf dot com says:
	Don’t you believe in MIRACLES? I believe in MIRACLES. You know what I believe God is about to raise up the Standards for me in my Life to anoint person with his blessings, his gift of the HOLY SPIRIT AND THAT OF HEALING. HALLELUJAH. BLESSINGS.