Let’s Bring Back the Holy Kiss

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We have just posted a new sermon called Let’s Bring Back the Holy Kiss. Here’s an excerpt:

There are still cultures where the holy kiss is practiced today. I’ll never forget my first trip to St. Petersburg, Russia with John and Helen Sergey. When the men of the Temple of the Gospel greeted John, one after another they hugged him and warmly kissed him on the cheek. The women did the same for Helen. And so it was in every church we visited. I even got kissed a few times. Let me tell you, it’s a very strange experience for an uptight American to have a Russian brother give you a bear hug and then smack you on the cheek. But after awhile, I liked it!

It was real and genuine and a mark of Christian love. Not only did it not seem strange, once I got used to it, it seemed profoundly biblical. I didn’t feel like a stranger any more; I felt like a brother in Christ.

That’s why I say a handshake is different from a kiss. A handshake is safe, secure. You can keep your distance that way. If people get too close, you can always try to twist their arm behind their back! A holy handshake–as good as it might be–just isn’t the same as a holy kiss. It simply doesn’t mean the same thing.

So here we are in the 21st-century and Paul says, “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” When was the last time you received a holy kiss? When was the last time you gave one?

This sermon deals with the "holy kiss," a topic we rarely discuss. I would love to get your comments and feedback. What do you think about the holy kiss? Have you ever been in a church that practiced the holy kiss? Should this custom be reinstituted today? What concerns do you have? What is the deeper meaning behind the holy kiss? I look forward to reading your thoughts.

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September 7, 2007, 12:42 PM Paul (no, not THAT one!) says:
	No! No way! Yes! Huh? Am I nuts? No. However, while *I* fully understand a holy kiss, even to the point where I have male friends whom I hug and kiss whenever and wherever we meet (and we’re not afoul of Leviticus), to much flesh comes to church. Probably more so in America than elsewhere. Within 3 months of joining my church, I was called before the Board and nearly lost my membership over this very issue. Largely, it was _who_ complained as much as my innocence that got me off the hook. But I was ready to resign my membership and go elsewhere, because I’m not about to someday stand before the Lord and try to explain why a handful of people wouldn’t set foot in a church because I was there. So, no. Yes, there are those of us who understand, and we also have a holy duty to bring along those who so far do not understand—and we cannot do that if we scare them out of church altogether. All for the greater glory of God! —Paul
September 7, 2007, 2:16 PM Rex says:
	Interesting question. Let me share a recent story as I think about this topic. My wife and I were recently in France and as many of you know the custom there is a kiss on the cheek.In the church there we observed the same custom which did not have any more meaning in that context so how would the kiss be different in France to delineate a Holy Kiss? My answer to that is Chrisitans in France would find the question or idea silly. On a personal note when we left France the couple gave us both kisses on the cheek and we felt like part of the family.Do I feel that way in many churches today in america at least? No although all should feel like they are part of a special family when they attend. Let me share another story about a kiss. I visited a Greek Orthodox Church recently here with a friend and the custom after the service was to kiss the hand of the Priest. For me not being raised in a Greek culture I was uncomfortable. Now lets invision together a new person walking in the doors of our churches and they also have no context to this new custom of kissing on the cheek lets say as a sign of two Christians greeting one another.They would turn around as fast as they can and never come back and tell stories to all they know. Just from that standpoint I find myself saying this is not a good idea although I enjoyed the journey. God Bless Rex
September 7, 2007, 6:46 PM Jo-Ann says:
	I am very interested in your first two comments…. I feel very bad Paul for your experience in that church…it is just too sad that we believers have such a hard time loving each other to God’s glory….. As I opened the interenet to comment …living in Quebec and having close believing friends from Belgium my comment would have been similar to Rex experience in France…those kiss forms (one on each cheek is Quebec style) (3 kisses from cheek to cheek Flemish style) are just greetings but they do give a sense of family. I guess Pastor Ray …like you I like the idea of the Holy Kiss…but perhaps we North Americans have to learn more how to bear with one another in love first… Blessings Jo-Ann
September 7, 2007, 7:55 PM Geri says:
	Pastor Ray, as a child I attended church where the “Holy Kiss” was always there. And now as an adult I really miss that feeling of “family” that we shared with everyone in attendance. Blessings to you and yours. Geri
September 8, 2007, 5:14 AM Ray Pritchard says:
	I appreciate all these comments because they demonstrate two things. First, we all feed the need to be loved and welcomed in the family of God. Second, how that is demonstrated varies from culture to culture and even from place to place. In Russia (as in France) the kiss on the cheek is an accepted way to show love, honor and respect. Here in America it’s not the same way. There probably isn’t any rule we can lay down that will fit all circumstances. What strikes me now (having written the sermon and thought about it some more) is that the New Testament mentions the holy kiss five times. Obviously this sort of holy affection played a big part in how the believers related to each other. It’s quite different from the rather mechanical way American church members often greet each other. Although we in the West may have many advantages in terms of material things, we have a long way to go to catch up to those humble, often-persecuted first century believers. For that matter, in the demonstration of visible love, we have a long way to go to catch up to our brothers and sisters around the world. Ray
September 11, 2007, 10:59 AM Renee says:
	When I was away in England attending Bible School, there were many moments when I really missed home. When I had been away for awhile, I hit that 6 month low most people hit when they go overseas for an extended period of time. Fortunately, the timing fell around Christmas-time and my CMC 20/20 family thought to send a care package. In many ways, it was full of “holy kisses"… gifts and cards with words of encouragement. Howard Duncan’s gift in particular was the most memorable. He sent a pkg of Hershey’s kisses and wrote about Paul’s “holy kiss” in his letter. I was both amused and encouraged by his gift. My immediate thought, was… “THAT IS SO HOWARD!!!” Maybe it was a little unusual, but I really felt loved and came to understand what the holy kiss Paul mentions is all about. It is an outpouring of love among believers. While it may not always be an actual kiss in a particular culture, there are others ways of expressing “holy kisses". Another memorable experience of a “holy kiss” was during an extended holiday to Germany. I was staying with a family of believers on their dairy farm who knew as much English as I knew of German (nil). The funny thing is, I have never felt so welcomed anywhere in all my life. I was only with them for a couple of weeks, but I feel a bond with that family in a way that is inexplicable outside of the brotherhood of Christ. Their “holy kisses” will be remembered and treasured forever. One in particular was the trouble one of the sons took to learn to learn enough English to read the hymn numbers in both German and English during the worship services held in their home so that I could find the pages and join in singing, even if I did not know the translation, I could still follow along and sing with them. That kind of love to me is a “holy kiss", even if it isn’t a chocolate one. ;-) As to whether or not we should bring back an actual kiss among believers, I’m game. I grew up in a Texas home where kissing on the lips is our common greeting. We do it less today than we used to, but I never thought it was unusual until I left home and realized that other families did not greet one another in such a manner. I even remember greeting some church members growing up with kisses like that. My grandmother is in a nursing home now with dimentia and recognizes none of us anymore. But rest assured if you were to go and visit her, she would presume you were one of her family and would greet you with the family kiss on the lips before you could turn away.
September 11, 2007, 8:11 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Renee, I loved your note because you expressed far better than my sermon did the true meaning of the “holy kiss.” It’s a kiss sometimes, or it’s a bag of chocolate kisses (I love how you put it�"That’s so Howard.” And it is.), and sometimes it’s a family in Germany that surrounds you with love that transcends the boundaries of language. And I was moved by your description of the way your family greeted each other when you were growing up. Clearly you have experienced the depth of what Paul meant when he told the believers to greet one another with a holy kiss�chocolate or not! Ray
September 12, 2007, 7:02 AM Shelley says:
	First I wanted to say that I have not heard this message in probably 25 years or so. My husband and I were attending a church in Prospect Heights, IL and the pastor talked about this one Sunday. I do like this idea. There are people that I have known for a long time or who are very dear to me and I always go up and hug them. It makes you feel like you are family. We are in the family of God. There have been times in my life that I so wanted to be able to see the Lord Jesus walking down the street so that I could run over and hug him. Just knowing that He is there in the flesh so that I could hug him would just make my day.Here’s an example of something that happened to me that I think will explain what I mean rather well. Last weekend we were all at a softball picnic that is an annual event that my brother in law started many years ago. There was a woman who’s name is Mary, I hadn’t seen her in a long time. She is a friend of my sister’s so I know her fairly well. My sister reintroduced us again. She started to come over and shake my hand and something in her said that isn’t right so she came over and hugged me instead. You know it felt right. I found out later that day that she is a sister in the Lord. I know that God had brought her there for a reason. I needed encouragement and there she was. I am totally convinced that we need touch. We were made that way. From the time we were babies we needed it. There is something very special about it. I don’t go around kissing everyone I know however, when I do see a friend I usually go up to them and give them a hug. I am of the opinion that we need to do more of that. There are so many people that come to church and want to know that someone cares about them. I have been in churches where nobody came up and introduced themselves to me. I have to say quite honestly that I have not been back. Taking the time to talk to someone can really make a difference in their day. I have noticed that at work too. When you greet a customer with a smile and a how can I help you or whatever it seems to make them feel food. You can get the grumpiest person and if you smile and greet them man does their attitude start to change. Thanks for the sermon. It has given me a challenge for the week. Someone made my week yesterday with an act of encouragement so I want to make someone’s week today.
September 12, 2007, 3:11 PM Alex says:
	Just some ideas on the Holy Kiss… the one thing I distinctly remember is when you were doing the series on Romans and George C. gave you a big wet one on your check right in the narthex…But what would you expect from a Greek… I bet you have already forgotten, it has been a long time… I wish I had a camera, the expression on your face was priceless. The world is a very discouraging place and anytime we can encourage and show the love of Christ to other believers it has a distinct advantage… I think for the most part churches spend too much time fighting over some very insignificant issues forgetting about the love of Christ in the process. I see alot of love during the camps that I do… I see alot of people from alot of different denominations working together for Christ… I think we have to put “awkward” aside and see what happens… put some Christians in an elevator and see how they act… do we act like the world and look at our feet or the wall ignoring everybody else in the elevator or do we talk normally to people even though we may not know them that well… there is an invisible space in front of us… I think it is about 2 to 3 feet kind of like the handshake distance that we use… when you give some one a kiss you get uncomfortably close and I think it gets you to trust the person a little more… you are forced out of your comfort zone… if you do it enough times it does not feel as uncomfortable… you experienced that in Russia… I am Ukrainian and we did the same thing… the biggest issue though, is that with Christians we have Jesus in common and it makes it that much more valuable… without Christ it just becomes a social thing… I have experienced that growing up in my family with my parents’ friends… I am also trying to use people’s names more… I make it a point to look for their name tag in stores… as you said in your sermon… people love to hear their names… if I don’t see their names I ask them to tell me their name…they are always glad to give it to me…especially when I tell them that their name is important to me…
September 14, 2007, 9:08 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Shelley, thanks for your note and for your wise reflections on the Holy Kiss. I think you captured the heart of my sermon in just a few words. Just a little bit of love or kindness goes a long way in today’s world where there is so much pain and sadness and sorrow. As you said, a hug can make all the difference in the world. I am sure God is using you at work to spread his love and shine his light for many people. Ray
September 14, 2007, 9:09 PM Ray Pritchard says:
	Alex, I had forgotten all about George giving me a holy kiss during the Romans series until you mentioned it. That’s just like George. As I have pondered it, I realize that culture plays such a huge, powerful role in all that we do. What seemed normal in Russia felt strange in Oak Park. Not bad, just different. It’s hard to break through that awkwardness that you talked about to really touch the heart of another person. More and more as I journey along the highway, I realize that there are stories behind every smiling face. Struggles, difficulties, injuries, hurts—things the rest of us don’t know about. It’s not as if all of us can know everything about everyone in church. That won’t work unless we all join small house churches. But what we can do is what you said—reach out, learn names, welcome people into our private space, open our hearts, and begin to know and trust each other. Ray
September 18, 2007, 12:24 PM Pastor Karl Olsson says:
	Thanks Pastor Ray for the sermon on the Holy Kiss. I am the pastor of the international Church - worship in English - in Haiti. The Holy Kiss is a part of the Haitian culture. As a pastor I feel it is a sign of respect, sign of caring and a tahnk you for being a part of this congregation and for being my friend. I never kiss any one especially women on the first meeting. It seem to be respectful to shake hands however, when I do this I shake with both hands which appears to be will excepted among the Haitian people - especially women. Then in the future I find comfortable to give a greeting with a Kiss on the cheek. Most Haitian women expect you to do this - sometime both cheeks - however they will take the lead. As a northern New York person I had to make my self do Holy Kiss - but I see how important it is to the ladies. Once in a great while a man will want that respect also. Thanks for the last sermon on the rdt of Romans 16 - not kissing unholy people in the church.
September 21, 2007, 6:56 AM Ray Pritchard says:
	Karl, thanks for your fascinating insight on the holy kiss in the Haitian culture. It shows how important it is to understand both our own background (where we’re coming from) and the people to whom we minister (where they’re coming from). As I mentioned, I found that Russia, the men often greeted me with a holy kiss. That doesn’t happen very often here in America. But in this as in so many other things, we have a lot to learn from our brothers and sisters around the world. Ray
January 13, 2008, 6:59 PM Mara Law says:
	The holy kiss is a New Testament command: “Greet one another with a holy kiss”. God will bless us in being obedient to His command, especially when we take a great big leap of faith and submit ourselves to His will even when our culture does not practice this, and some might not understand it. As the Scriptures put it very well, we are a “peculiar people", and need not be afraid of rejection when obeying what God has ordained us to do. It is our faith that leads us to trust and do His Word regardless. Will God not leave behind a blessing for those who obey? And isn’t the Bible full of places where God’s command just seemed odd like the holy kiss?… the angel telling a virgin she’d have a son, the angel telling Zacarias his old barren wife would have a child, Ananias to go to Judas’s house and ask for a man named Saul who had come to Damascus to kill the Christians, etc? God seems to really be into getting us out of our comfort zone in many ways. This is a good spiritual exercise for those who want to grow in Him. Also, in kissing a disciple of Jesus in the face who has the Holy Spirit, are you not also kissing Jesus? It is written in the Old Testament: “kiss the Son lest He be angry with you”. Thus, there is a strong link between the holy kiss and kissing the Son. This kiss is a manifestation of our love for God himself as well, and knowing that God is alive in that person, we are missing out of kissing God himself if we refrain ourselves from this practice� And do you think I would ever want the Son to be angry with me over this? I myself do holy kisses and will continue to do so. Now, returning a humble explanation to those not understanding the holy kiss might not be a bad idea. Using the Scriptures on holy kisses, we are using its authority and are conveying true doctrine. I have attended Messianic synagogue, and will never forget the holy kiss from a Jew with the words, “you have the face of God.” I have to confess that was tremendous! Obviously, hugs and kisses are related expressions of affection. I attended a church in Virginia methodically for a year until I moved. At the beginning, I would hug them in the fellowship time during service, but after a while saw how the congregation as a whole had veered away from God. Some of the men’s and women’s hugs were shameful, so I immediately stopped the hugging. In the city I recently moved to, I was determined to not hug anybody in the new church either after that bad experience. But the Holy Spirit said to me, “embrace”. At this, my understanding was opened and realized that, without knowing it, I had lived out the Scripture in Ecclesiastes that reads “there is a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.” My refraining from embracing time had ended when leaving the shameful embracing in that first church. Sure enough, I have been in the new church 5 months now embracing and it’s the right kind of embrace. These kinds of hugs and kisses are reserved to be given to those only whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book. And that’s where we need to use good judgment.