Sleeping Together and Christ’s Global Cause

August 26, 2008

I received an email from a man who asked a very particular question.  He is a Christian, divorced, and in his forties. He met a Christian woman who seems to be an answer to prayer. Over time they have fallen in love and hope to get married eventually. But they can’t marry right now because of financial reasons. Meanwhile they have started having sex together. He used the term “being intimate” to describe it. “We have been intimate and are feeling guilty that we DON’T feel convicted by the Holy Spirit that it has been wrong.”

He wants to know if there is a different standard for premarital sex for those are divorced. After all, they aren’t virgins anymore. They’ve both been married before so their sex is not “premarital” in the literal sense of never having had sex before. They don’t want to lose the intimacy they have enjoyed.

So why would God forbid sex before marriage when you’ve been married in the past, had sex, and have children? And why don’t they feel guilty?

The email says (and I do not doubt) that they have struggled with this issue. He says they are not just young adults looking for a free pass to have sex. For the first time they both feel they have found a partner that they love and enjoy in every way.

So why shouldn’t two adult Christians who happen to be divorced and have fallen in love—why shouldn’t they sleep together?

There are many ways to answer that question. My own answer begins in a way that may surprise you, but I hope you will read through all the way to the end. Your comments are most welcome.

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Ray Pritchard

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